i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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