shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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