And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
