ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
