all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life is pants optional.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
