I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
