Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
