I wish I could punch you in the face.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
