I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
