I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i need some magic done to my vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
