u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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