Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You made out with two different species that night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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