areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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