but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
