she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
