pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
