Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
