what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
