Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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