ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
