Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
