Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
