We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
