i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
