i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
