he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
