it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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