I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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