Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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