i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
