So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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