Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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