so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
