This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
