I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
