i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
