i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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