Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
