The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
