Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
