My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
