okay pat passed out under dana's car
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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