I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
