I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
