so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
