You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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