Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
