I wish you could order shots online.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
