Jerry, you need to find god
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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