So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
